Of Trials and Triumphs
by ohsnapitzlexi
Summary: "Its amazing what fake smiles and long sleeves can hide." Jade has a secret, and she's determined to keep it from Beck, but what if he's known it all along? Rated T for Self Abuse/Cutting. MAY CONTINUE


**This is a new idea I've had forever. Cassidy is Jade's little sister, she's 12, and Jade's 17.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious**

**Jade's POV**

I push my salad around in my Styrofoam dish with my fork, still not eating it. I try my best to keep calm as I see those girls flirt with him. And what pisses me off the most is that he eats it right up! Has really forgot about me? His girlfriend! Honestly, it's like I don't exist!

"Hey Jadey! Last period I got a text from Cassidy, she says you won't text her back! She's worried about you!" Cat said, plopping next to me, and I don't bother arguing, it's not like she'd listen anyway. Not diverting my eyes, I mumbled "Phone's dead." I lifted my phone to prove my point before dropping it back carelessly.

"Oh, I'll tell her." Cat said, pulling out her phone and tapped away on the screen. I sighed loudly, expressing my dislike for the situation. "Jade? Are you okay?" Cat asked. I nodded, I felt so numb that I wasn't even fully aware I did it. "What's the matter-" Cat tried, but she followed my gaze and saw Beck and the stupid cheerleaders with their stupid short skirts and their stupid fake boobs.

"Jade, you're not okay...are you?" Cat asked. I finally tore my eyes away from Beck and saw Cat's worried frown. I sighed as I pushed my uneaten salad away. "Cat, honestly, I'm fine!" I said, picking up my bag carelessly, swinging it over my shoulder. I saw my pocketknife fall out, the handle had dried blood and the blade was stained red. I prayed Cat didn't notice it fall but unfortunately, my prayers were unanswered, as Cat picked it up. She gave me a look of concern, worry, sadness and annoyance, all wrapped up like a burrito.

Dammit! Now I'm hungry!

She pulled me to the bathroom, allowing me to drop my dish in the trash, but not loosening her grip on my arm. She checked to make sure we were alone. "Pull up your sleeve." She demanded.

And _I _was bossy?

I hesitated slightly, but sighed, knowing there was no way out. I complied, giving her pointed look. "Jade. There are more!" Cat said, hurt. I tried to pull away, but Cat held me firmly. "You promised you'd stop!" Cat said, tears now streaming down her face, ruining her makeup. All I could do was yank my arm away and run.

I ran to my car, not caring about the fact that I too was crying and people looked at me like I was insane. I never cried, especially not in public. But these people can judge all they want, they don't know anything.

I sat in the drivers seat, staring at Beck. He was still there, flirting with those girls. I saw him smile kindly, and they giggled stupidly. I wanted to look away, but it was like my eyes wouldn't obey. I slowly reached up to the secret pocked I made, where I hid my spare knife.

If Beck didn't care, neither did I.

* * *

><p>No ones POV<p>

Jade sat in her car, sobbing uncontrollably, thinking about Beck. They'd dated for 3 years, and now it seems as if he..._regretted _it.

_Maybe I'm just not pretty, or sexy enough. Maybe I'm not good enough in bed for him, and he got bored of me. _

No! She quickly scolded herself. That's definitely not it!

There was a knock on her window that drew her from her sobs. She thanked the God she didn't believe in that her sleeves were down, because there at the window was Beck. She cracked her window open, muttering something along the lines of "Go away" which they both knew meant "Please hold me, I don't feel happy anymore." Beck walked around and got in the passenger seat. "Hey, what's wrong." Beck asked quietly. "You don't love me anymore." Jade mumbled, tears still falling down her white cheeks. Beck wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap. "Why do you think I don't love you?" He asked, almost broken, deeply hurt. She buried her face in his neck and murmured "Because you always flirt with girls and barely pay attention to me anymore." He sighed and she got a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach about what he was going to say after that dramatic sigh.

"I do love you, Jade. It's just lately, you've been acting strange. Should I be worried?" Jade froze. _Yes. _"No." Jade said, looking him (somewhat) in the eye. "Okay, lets get you home. My place, I know your dad's..." Beck trailed off as he knew he was walking on eggshells here.

Jade felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She unlocked it and saw she had a new message

**To: Jade **

**From: Cat **

**U need 2 tell him. **

I sighed. Cat was right.

**To: Cat**

**From: Jade**

**I know. **

I pulled out of the school parking lot, leaving my troubles in the oil stained parking space.

* * *

><p>Jade's POV<p>

I felt so guilty for not telling Beck about...you know, but what could I do? He'd dump me and I'd be alone! I mean, I know I have Cat, but I need a companion! As I pull up Beck's driveway, I think about all the great times we had there.

_Flashback_

_"Beck! Stop!" I shouted as I ran around the RV, giggling as I ran desperately from his hands. "Never!" He laughed as we trampled all over the place. He finally caught up with me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me on the bed with him. He ran his fingers around my sides, making me howl in laughter. _

_I am _very_ ticklish._

_"Beck! Stop, please!" I screamed, but it was cut off by my laughter. He stopped tickling me and started to kiss my neck. He gently sucked at the skin as my laughter turned to moans. Beck's wandering hands rested on my waist, and I turned to face him, and our lips connected. Fireworks flew around like crazy and I felt a tingly feeling in my stomach. I never felt happier. We were so caught up in what we were doing, we didn't here the door open. "Um, can you not?" Beck's mom asked, and we pulled apart immediately. Beck's mom, Melinda, was trying to hold back from cracking up. _

_I blushed furiously, and Beck just sat there trying not to laugh. Melinda sat down Beck's laundry and as she was walking out, said "Have fun you two. Just use protection, I'm too young to be a grandmother." And with that, she walked out. And all that could be heard was uncontrollable laughter. _

_End of Flashback_

I wiped my eyes and looked straight ahead. My wrists were aching and my stomach was going through it's tumbling routine. Beck had gotten out, giving me my own space. I looked at the knife, laying hidden at my feet. I picked it up, and held it open to my wrist, but I held it stationary there, just holding it there, and thinking.

_No. Not tonight. Beck's happy, leave it at that._

I sighed and put the knife away. I got out of my car, and opened the door to the RV. Beck had taken the opportunity to change into his pajama's. Well, pajama _pants. _No shirt, but I'm not complaining. I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head against his chest. He reached down and kissed my head stroking my hair lovingly. "I love you." I mumbled. I looked up at his face, and icy blue met chocolate brown as we connected eyes. "I love you too. More than you could scarcely imagine." He pulled us toward the bed, and as we laid down he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my hair.

As soon as I was sure he was asleep, I pulled my sleeve up and ran my hand over the scars. "If only you knew, Beck. If only you knew." I mumbled as I pulled my sleeve back down and fell asleep.

**R&R,**

**~Lexi~**


End file.
